Guest Report

This month, we have something a bit different. We have a report from a long-time CGTF Operative on the strange activities he witnessed near his home on the West Coast. We present the body of his email below, with names and specific place names removed to protect his identity.

"It all started late one evening on my way back from W*l-M*rt (and doesn't it always?). I had gone on a late night chip and Twinkie run, having run out inconveniently in the middle of that weekend's gaming. I was driving back and noticed an odd glow at the top of my street as I made the turn from ********. Wondering just what was going on, I passed my house and drove up to find out. Hey, call me strange, but if that jerk ********'s house was on fire, I wanted to watch it burn. As I neared the top of the hill, I could see that the light was not from a bunch of emergency vehicles, but from a smaller, more concentrated source. I continued towards the glow at the end of the street, but stopped in surprise before I got there. Surrounding ********'s house was a good sized group of goats (about 15 to 20, I'd say) with torches. All of them were staring at the house and a kind of yellow glow was coming from their eyes. They weren't making any noise, in fact, it was eerily quiet. I was mesmerized. After a couple minutes, I remembered my CGTF training and realized that I should not try to take on this many organized goats on my own. I pulled out my camera and took a couple pictures to document what I saw. Unfortunately, it was about this time that they noticed me. As a group, the goats turned from the house and began to move towards me. I had a flashback to that story we'd heard back in the 80s about a group of goats eating some guy's entire car. I tried to back up and get away from them, but they'd massed around the car, prohibiting any movement. One of them jumped onto the hood of my car and started headbutting the windshield. Then the others started hammering on the car with their hooves. I thought I was in trouble, but then they stopped. Another car was coming up the street. Moving very quickly and quietly, the goats moved away from the car and disappeared into the darkness. Shaken, I turned around and went home. I made sure the doors and windows were locked securely that night. I don't know just what ******** is up to, but the goats are involved somehow. I'll definitely be keeping an eye on that jerk now. More later as I find it."